Kidnapping on the First Date

 I get occasional contacts on various platforms asking me to do a CNC session, often a kidnapping scenario where I take the sub somewhere to tie up and use. This is a very hot scene, as the sub struggles and resists. The idea of forcing someone to take what I give out is hot for me, and for the sub, the idea of being forced really gets their gears going. 

It’s the resistance that makes it hot for both. One being forced, one enforcing their will on another. For a sub, it can relieve them of questions of what they would or won’t do. Here is where it gets tricky. I strive to be a Responsible Dom, I want willing participants in my sessions. I love making the subs who are under me do as I say, but each of them has agreed to submit. A sub I do not know is a different matter. He could be very willing, but since I don’t know him, I would not be as able to tell a real resistance from one he is doing for the scene. Safewords are great, but a newer sub especially may not remember to use them. There is a lot of risk in this. 

Another risk is the sub deciding this is not a scene they really want to go through. If they never have, no matter how strong the draw, it may just not be for them. The subs I work with know me, and I know them. We know how to call a scene off if it’s just not working. By the time the Dom and sub know each other, a lot of the patina of a good CNC (consentual-non-consent) is gone. The sub feels safe with the Dom, so the fear of that Dom in a CNC scene is not there. As a Dom, I want to be assured the sub is up for and able to complete the scene. Something I can’t get if I don’t know him. 

So here is the rub, the very thing that makes a CNC scene exciting is the very thing reduced by the needed familiarity of the Dom and sub. The more I think on it, the less I want to be the Dom who gets a visit from the cops because a new sub changed his mind. Which is a legitimate risk. The best solution to me, is for a sub to get to know Dom A who then arranges Dom B to start the CNC scene. 

A lot of what we do is risky. I totally get how thrilling the idea of being forced is. That elevated thrill brings elevated risk. 

The Other Side of Obscuring

No matter what platform you are on, there is a call for a picture. I’m sure there are numerous studies done proving seeing the face of an internet correspondent helps create a better connection. It makes sense, we tell a lot from faces in the real world. In kink, a lot of people chose to post their face. And a lot don’t. To be clear going into this, I do not post my face. I’ve made my choice, and I’m prepared to live with it.

The decision to post a face pic or not is up to the individual. Many have no problem with it, and those does show their willingness to commit. There are platforms you can post your face, your ass, your dick, how well you suck, how you fuck. There are a lot of guys who will want to see and appreciate. You are an adult, so you have made a decision on your life.

Others chose not to. No-Facers have their own reasons like Facers do. Some could have their jobs put in jeopardy if associated with kink. To some it may just be a preference. Regardless, a No-Facer is an adult and has made the decision just like a Facer has.

As discussions progress, very often a request to exchange face pics, to do a video call, or something else is made. This is perfectly natural, and shows a progression of of the relationship. No-Facers have a new choice. Some will share with people they have grown to trust. Others will not. Here is where we get to the crux of the matter. Given the ease and expectation of face pics, if you chose not to share, be prepared for that to cool things down.

The other person, be they a Facer or No-Facer has every right to expect to see you at some point. This is the right of expectation, not an absolute right to see you. A No-Facer can still decline and be within his full rights. If you are unwilling to share your face, you must be prepared, as I am, for that discussion to end. Asking to see your face it not unreasonable.

Facers should be prepared that some men will not show their face regardless, and evaluate on their own how to deal with it. It may eliminate the possibility of physical contact, but if the discussion is engage, you can still talk.

For both sides, consider how important it is to see the other person’s face. Is it a deal breaker? Can you live with it? And remember, the other person as the right to make the decision they make. It’s not a question of rights, it’s a question of how you deal with it. Be prepared to accept the consequences of your decision.

Two Types of Collars

When it comes to collaring a sub, we have heard about consideration collars, promise collars, commitment collars. All of these represent some level of engagement with a dynamic. Some Doms will have a sub move from one type to another working up to a permanent collar. There are also what I call “signal collars”, which are put on by a sub with an open lock to advertise his desire to find a Dom. 

I want to talk about two specific types of collar. The first is a scene/session collar. I like collars. I like subs in collars, and I will put one on him if it’s our first session. This does not indicate anything but I want one on the sub. If he’s a pup, it’s almost required. There is no special significance to a session collar. It does not indicate I claim him or that he submits to me for more than the session we engage in. It’s not supposed to. It’s part of the session just like bondage or a flogger would be. It’s a tool. At the end it comes off like anything else I’ve put on to have fun with. 

A sub should not take that as establishing a dynamic, and the Dom should not either. It’s designed for play, it is play. Attributing more to it is a mistake. 

The next is some level of “commitment” collar. In this case commitment does not mean one has been established, but that it is more extensive than a scene/session. The first one I want to discuss is the “looking for” collar. This is a collar with an open lock. Such a collar is used to indicate a sub is actively looking for a Dom and is approachable. It is not an open invitation to use or talk to the sub as if he were already yours. The open lock is a signal, one of availability. Compatibility is another matter. 

If the lock is closed, it most likely means the sub is taken at some level. The sub may close the lock because they want to indicate they are submissive, but not open to searching, but that is fairly rare. A closed lock most frequency indicates the sub has an ongoing relationship with a Dom. The level of that relationship is up to the members. If you see a closed lock, there is no reason you cannot talk to the sub, but do not expect it to go beyond talking. If the sub is open to that, he will have to indicate in another way that he is available. I never presume that a sub can play outside his dynamic unless he says so. 

Collars can help draw a Dom and sub together, to show they are in a dynamic. It is a mistake to presume they are in a full on TPE 24/7. It could be the two are early in a deep commitment and are making sure things will sustain. It could be a timed collar, where they have agreed to a given dynamic for a period. It’s really up to them to decide how to do it. 

Collaring is very important to the Leather and BDSM communities. The term “collaring” can even mean a virtual collar, where the relationship exists, but the physical collar is not present. Just as some married couples do not have or wear rings, some have the commitment, not the physical item. 

Where there are some general rules, collaring is up to the people involved in it. General practice is most solid around the term “collaring” for the establishment of a dynamic, and the open or closed lock to announce availability. 

Sometimes Words, Sometimes Weapons

Kink is full of terms that often need some explanation. “Dom” and “sub” are good general terms, and most will understand what they mean. However, other terms can be used in particular dynamics and require some definition to relay the meaning. 

One thing to always remember is that in a given dynamic the words used inside of it can take on a life of their own, to be specialized to the couple. Or to a wider audience. Poly families, dungeons, any community can have terms that mean something to that given group and you would need to understand the meanings there to fully grasp it. 

Consider the phrase “get all the boys together”. If spoken to a group of men before a sporting event, it would be common parlance, even though “boy” would be considered a derogatory term if applied to a full-grown man in a non-casual way. “Hey boy, get over here and fill my glass” would be demeaning if said to a 40 year old waiter. The context carries it all here. 

In many BDSM dynamics “boy” is used for the sub and that term is widely accepted. Even if the participants are not usually into humiliation or degradation, boy is used with commonality. In a given dynamic, kink or non-kink, derogatory terms can be used as marks of affection. Context is important here, as calling someone a “ass-licker” at a formal dinner would be inappropriate. In casual environments, it may be perfectly acceptable. 

The source is important here, the recipient of the slander knows the speaker is joking, and using what is a term of affection between them. So there is no offense taken. Appropriation by other may or may not be accepted. 

Certain communities can develop terms that are derogatory outside of the community but have a different meaning with the denizens. “Scum”, “Loser”, even “Fag” can be seen as defining and acceptable roles within those bounds. In a community, it is not the meaning attached by two people, but by the members as a whole. The terms may have functional or historical significance. The question to ask is not do those in the larger society see the term as negative, but do those so referred to take it as an insult. 

Context and source are the important parts of degrading terms used as endearments. If you are not in the right place, or not the right person, it is a very bad thing to do. It is the developed relationship between people that allow them to levy insults to each other in a positive way. If you have not established that relationship, calling someone a name is harmful. It is a weapon in your hand. It can be harder if it is a term the recipient is aware you know can be endearing, as it will be perceived as an insult to that relationship. 

The same word can be endearing or destructive. How it is taken is determined by the recipient, and it is not an absolute, the words live and breath with each person. 

Keyed Consent

 Consent is very important to me. It is beyond amazing what can be done by a Dom because a sub consents to it. But the fulcrum is consent. Everything pivots and is made possible by it. Clear consent, given without pressure or coercion, makes a vast arena for both to explore. 

Consider a house that has a single door in the front and a number of rooms that can be locked inside. Each of these rooms is something the sub can consent to, and the house is the sub himself. The sub can choose to give the Dom keys to whichever rooms he is willing to consent to. The Dom has the keys and can use the rooms as he wishes. All of this is because the sub has surrendered the keys to him. The sub can get the keys back at any point. Either by saying so in discussion, or calling a safe word. 

What rooms, what the sub consents to, can change over time and should be a partnership discussion. I don’t say that to mean that the Dom can override the sub in this, but that if there are questions or concerns the Dom needs to know so he can adjust as necessary. Withholding consent may be permanent or temporary, depending on need. Discussing with your partner lets your partner understand and know if he can push on the door, or needs to avoid entirely. 

The construction and layout of the house is up to the sub. Each room is locked and some locked rooms can be in other locked rooms. Each key is independent. The sub opens the front door to explore with the Dom. When this happens, the Dom has free reign to every door he can open. As often and as intensely as that room permits. The sub has surrendered the management of those rooms to the Dom until such time as the sub takes the keys away.

“Pushing on the door” is a good way to describe how to test limits. A Dom should never violate the limits, but can go up to them and push. That gives the sub the security that the limits remain in place, and gives the sub an opportunity to contemplate giving the Dom a key to that room to explore. The door is not unlocked, it does not open, until the sub gives the Dom the key. 

A sub may not want to be in the room the Dom has decided to explore. However, bound to the Dom, the sub goes where the Dom wishes. With the keys comes dominion. So long as the Dom has the keys, he is in charge and makes the decisions. Like giving keys to a renter, the renter has the rights there, until there is an eviction. What the sub evaluates is does he want to take back the key to the room or to everything. So long as the sub leaves the keys with the Dom, the sub obeys. And the Dom is within his rights to use those rooms as he choses. 

Doms do have to look at how he is using the room. This is part of being a Dom, or a good renter. Use that room for its purpose, but watch out for wear and tear. How does the sub react? What are you doing and will that cause the sub to need to take back the key? Yes, it’s yours for now. But like someone destroying a rental property, will that get you evicted. A good Dom does not just use, but uses so he can continue to use.  

The main key is the key to the front door, the only way into everything. Opening up this door gives the Dom rights to the rooms he has keys to. The front door has a key the sub cannot ever completely surrender. It’s molded to his hand, or the lock is biometric. However you want to visualize it. The sub may never (and I argue should never) feel he has no right to lock that door to the Dom, no matter how long submission lasts, it is always possible the sub can lock the front door. If the front door is locked, no matter how many interior keys the Dom may have, he can use none of them because he cannot get to those doors. 

Consent is the key is a common phrase. It is key, it is how we do what we do. Each of those keys is precious, for the sub to surrender, for the Dom to engage. 

Dungeon fundraiser: my vignettes

 The Nashville dungeon has released a book of vignettes "Hot Flashes" fundraising for their benevolent fund. About a quarter in the book are by me. You can read more of my flash fiction at https://sadosam.com/maxpotter/

"This is a charity anthology. A portion of the sales of Hot Flashes will go to aid the CPI Benevolence Fund. CPI is the group that runs The Mark, the dungeon space and community center in Nashville (http://themarkbycpi.org/). The CPI Benevolence Fund is used to support members of the Nashville/Middle Tennessee kink community during times of hardship or crisis by temporarily assisting them with their basic needs."

CBT & Baking

 I had a sub in for the weekend, so there were several activities planned. This sub loves Toll House cookies, so I decided to make a batch. I decided he needed to be occupied allowing me to concentrate on not burning the cookies. 

Separating activities, so he was away from my food work zone, the sub was bound to a table, leaving him quite exposed. I attached a special vice to his balls and applied a significant amount of pressure. He took it like a champ. I washed up my hands well, and got to the ingredients. Everything together, and the oven heated up, I figured the sub needed a bit more. I did say it was a special vice for the balls. This one has electro attached to it. I turned the electro on so shocks started. He really felt that. 

The first batch went in the oven. As the scent of baking Toll House cookies filled the air. During baking, I played with his nips, going tough so he felt it. On top of the pressure and electro on his balls. Grabbing his pecs and mauling them. Additional pain until it was time to bring the cookies out of the oven. One second I’m giving him new pain as he writhes, the next I pull a tray of cookies out, thoroughly wash my hands and put the cookies on the cooling rack. 

As the cookies went into the oven, the sub got new tortures. During some of this, I broke up and fed him bits of still-oven-warm cookie. All the time with the constant ball pressure, and the oscillating shocks from the electro. 

In the midst of torments I meted out, there was the strong scent of baking, and taste of warm Toll House cookies.  The timer would go off, and I would pull more cookies out of the oven. The dichotomy keeps him spinning in his mind. 

He had the vice on his balls through the entire time. Electro as the cookies baked. Additional tortures and his nose and mouth taking in pure pleasure. Some of my best baking, and the entire time, the sub had an experience he will remember for a long, long time. 

Brotherly Games: Mustard Chicken

   My friend Valentin is writing Brotherly Games, including descriptions of the fantastic French cuisine. As an added bonus, here is the first recipe you can make on your own in order to get more into the feel of the story. You can follow Valentin here. From chapter 10:

Mustard Chicken

-1- A la cocotte, tu fais revenir tes cuisses de poulet salées et poivrées sur un beau lit  d'oignons que tu fait cuire un peu avant jusqu'à ce qu'ils soient translucides.  

-2- tu peux rajouter quelques carottes que tu transformes en tagliatelles avec un  économe. Voire des champignons. Ensuite tu mets une bonne quantité de moutarde (environ quatre cuillères à soupe ). Tu fais un peu revenir, et tu couvres d'eau en laissant  apparaître les cuisses comme des îlots( si tu as un peu de cidre ou de vin blanc, tu peux  en mettre aussi). Tu laisses cuire a feu moyen 45'. Attention que ça n'attache pas, sache  rajouter un peu d'eau au besoin, sans faire une soupe.. Ne sale pas trop à cause de la  moutarde... Rejoute un peu de crème fraiche en touche finale... 

INGREDIENTS: (For Four)  

2 Onions 

4 Uncooked chicken thighs  

1 Carrot 

4-5 Button Mushrooms  

Real Mustard  

Cooking white wine  

Sour Cream 

RECIPE:  

First step: 

Chop the onions in cubes and cook them in a large pot with olive oil or butter. Stir until the  onions are translucid and add the chicken thighs that you will have salted and peppered  beforehand.  

Second step:  

With a potato peeler, chop the carrot in peelings. Chop the button mushrooms and add them in  the pot with the carrots peeling. 

Add four whole big spoon of mustard into the pot and then cover the chicken thighs with  water and half a glass of wine until they are almost completely under the water, stir to mix the  mustard and the water equally. Let the chicken thighs cook for 45 minutes on medium heat,  be careful not to let the chicken stick to the pot.  

Third step:  

If necessary, add water during the cooking. At the end, add a whole spoon of sour cream and  stir. Check the chicken, it should be ready!  

You can serve the Mustard Chicken with rice, potatoes, or even pasta.  

Bon appétit! 

Starting from No

 A sub wants to obey, so they start with “Yes”. A Dom does the opposite. Any idea, if the Dom comes up with it on his own, reads about, even if the sub approaches him, the Dom should start with “No”. A sub uses a safe word to signal a true “No”, within limits, any order should be met with a “Yes” otherwise. Doms need to examine any idea from the default position that it should not be done. 

Starting from not allowing the action, the Dom can now look to see if the activity is or can be made safe. Can the sub do it without damage to the sub’s psyche? Can the sub do it without jeopardizing family/friends/work? If so, will the sub have lingering effects? Sub can follow commands that might require recovery time. 

Consider a task of keeping the sub up for an extended period of time, more than 24 hours. Keeping the sub up all night would prevent the sub from performing at their employment. So the “No” comes from timing. It would be possible to keep the sub up all night when there is time for the sub to recover and not trouble their job. So it is really a “Not Now”. 

Starting from “No” is an exercise that builds safety and security into letting the action happen. Beginning with all the reasons something cannot be done, and finding how to permit each one insures it will go better. 

I’m not suggesting that every little thing needs to have a lengthy evaluation, having the mindset there could be a problem increases the safety factor. 

If the sub has a suggestion, if it’s simple, you can quickly run through it and agree. If it’s more complex, step back and say you will consider it. Go over everything away from the heat of action. Keep the decision making process and high emotion separate. 

Be safe, keep your sub safe. Enjoy each other much longer. 

Korbell's Tasks 4

Korbell is an unowned sub of my acquaintance. We both knew from the start we are not a D/s match, but we chatted. One day he asked for some tasks to try. These are the tasks and how he felt about them. If you try any on yourself or your boy, post and tell us how it went. If you’re interested in Korbell, get in touch with me I’ll forward on to him. Previously for his anonymity, these were "Evan's Tasks".

Task 3:

 Since you just did a task, this designed more to be a follow-up then a new one. You are already a bit heated, so let’s see if we can get you to go longer. The goal is to see how long you can hold out. You end by either cumming or deciding to stop. 

Queue up a series of porn videos.

Put on cage, collar, harness, ball gag head harness. Insert a silicone dildo in  your ass, dildo is more to hit your prostrate then just size. 

Attach the lovense to your cage with the robe tie and set it to a random pattern. 

Put on leather cuffs and fetters. Have your arms “locked” over your head, or somewhere you can’t move them (but can still free yourself of course). 

Watch the videos, see how long you can go. 

Results: 

This one was fun! Definitely want to do stuff like this more often. I got through a video and a half (about 25m each) before i couldn't take it anymore. Being edged is one sensation but this is another all on its own. Equally intense and powerful but it has its own strength, its own way of breaking down my strength and resolve to fight through it. 

Fiduciary Dom

 In any power exchange relationship, regardless of the terms used or level of exchange, it is more than the Dom giving orders, the power to give orders comes with the responsibility to properly manage the sub in a way that looks to the sub’s best interest. As a Dom the temptation, the great temptation, is to use the the sub for the Dom’s benefit. This is especially true if the sub is focused on the Dom to the detriment of the sub’s own interest. The sub pushing to be used is a further challenge to the Dom. 

A fiduciary duty is a long established (greatly financial) responsibility to look at the beneficiary’s interests, to manage in an ethical manner. It is easy to use the sub to the Dom’s advantage, to use his money, and his service. In a power exchange, this is acceptable so long as the sub is not taken advantage of. No matter how much the sub may beg for it, the Dom is responsible to look out for the sub, even if the sub thinks the Dom is going against him. 

What this benefit is may not be apparent on the surface. It may be long hours serving the Dom, sexually or not. It may be best for the sub to be loaned out to others. It may be chastity, or it may not. It could be monogamy. The important part is the improvement and growth of the sub. the sub may chaff and complain, but it is for his long term benefit. 

Let’s take an example of a power exchange relationship begun over a long distance. It progresses to the point where they want to cohabitate. The easy answer is to have the sub move to the Dom, get a new job. That is the easy answer. What if the sub has a decent job where they are now, but the best they could get is a fast-food one with the Dom. A Dom that insists on that for the Dom’s convenience is not acting as a good fiduciary to the sub. The Dom may need to move. They might need to delay until one or the other finds a suitable position and the move works for both of them - regardless of the direction. 

In an equal partnership, each would work with the other to come to a mutually beneficial decision. Jobs, homes, family, friends. All the factors that make up a life. When the sub cedes control, he also cedes duty. The Dom has to decide for both, taking on the part of the sub and fighting (albeit internally) on the sub’s behalf. 

In areas of small gradiency, it is fine for the Dom to act in his own benefit. Sure, all else being equal, the Dom’s house is 50 square feet smaller. So move to the Dom’s place. But if the relationship terminated tomorrow, the sub should not be worse off, or in an untenable position. 

The Dom must always be aware that the sub will offer up the sub’s discomfort to make it better for the Dom. This is something the Dom must discount and ignore. It’s not what the sub is expressing, even truly wanting that the Dom must consider, but the Dom’s ethical and fiduciary duty to the sub. 

The goal should be a neutral party looking at the decisions made and agreeing that the Dom acted well. The sub may be pushed, may have to struggle to obey. But it is improvement and growth.

Destructive Doms

 Looking for a partner in the vanilla world takes time, to find a partner Dom or sub longer as you have to find a variation. It is easy to claim to be a Dom or sub. Say you are, put on a profile, and you will get some level of attention. A fake sub will not obey after a while, and a true Dom will move on. A fake Dom will harm a true sub’s ability to serve. 

On the surface of it, the life of a Dom seems so easy. You want your dick sucked or your laundry done, your sub will hop right to it. You don’t have to do the friend thing of going over to their place to help them put up drywall or reciprocate sexually. Frequency and intensity are entirely up to you. No need for flowers, cajoling, or anything. Fuck him, cum, and send him to fetch you a beer. 

If that’s what you think a Dom’s life is I hope you never have a chance to try it out. Subs are like any living resource, proper nurturing will bring more reward than burning them out. Using up a sub not only means he can no longer serve you, but you have robbed all the other Doms who might have used him in the future. 

Yes, a sub is there to serve, but the sub has to get something out of it a “Satisfaction of Service”, the feeling they have contributed to the betterment of the Dom they are serving. This is a hard concept to grasp, as a Dom may not give obvious positive feedback, but the sub feels something in the connection service provides. Something in the Dom’s reactions tells the sub he has made a difference in a man’s life. Fake dom’s can’t exude the same quality. It’s like watching someone who is really confident and someone trying to fake it. Like there is a level of confusion or uncertainty the ‘dom’ has in getting served. There is an ease in a real Dom receiving service a lack of doubt. 

Humans have an ability to tell confidence, leadership. Fake leaders reveal themselves, fake doms do as well. Be it little things, the fakes will be noticed. It may take a sub some time to notice, but the evidence will mount. Here is where the problem comes in. The sub begins to feel an unease, their Satisfaction of Service fades and is not there. The sub will come to dislike the service, even serving itself. This pushes the sub away from submission. Especially if he is a new sub, he gets a bad feeling about it and will begin to withdraw service. 

Subs need to be fulfilled by their service. If they are not, they will no longer serve. It may be a “Good Boy”, expressions that things have been done well, or even simply saying “You are dismissed”, but service to a true Dom fulfills the sub, and inspires him to more. A fake will leave the sub feeling empty. 

True Doms provide positive guidance to a sub, encouraging him to improve his servitude, his entire life. The sub is bettered in all ways, and that betterment reflects on the Dom. 

Grow the sub, not only will your sessions be better, but all the other Doms he serves will have a better sub to command. Destructive Doms tear a sub down, leaving him unable to serve, unwilling to serve. 

Safe to the edge

Safe words are an important part of the BDSM lifestyle. Scenes of extreme impact play, bondage, humiliation and so on require a way for the sub to indicate actual distress. ‘Actual’ distress because reactions such as screams or ‘please don’t’ may be part of how the sub is thrilled during the scene itself and not an indication distress or desire to stop. The agreement between the Dom and sub that the safe word is the actual stop is vital. 

BDSM goes further than physical discomfort or pain. It can, and does, have an impact on the mental state of the participants. I do not see or say this as a negative impact. In cases the mental impact can be negative in the short or long term, as such the Dom and sub need also look at their mental states. It may be a flash of past trauma. 

Lighter activities don't carry the same level of need for safe words as heavy ones do. But I have them in place as a blanket protection. As small as it is, I want to know there is a clear signal for a problem. If I'm giving a light spanking to an unrestrained sub, he would be able to stand up in an emergency - and might react that way faster than safe wording. 

But even the most innocuous of activities could have an unexpected result. I once had a sub with a very negative reaction to me putting a bit in his mouth. It was emotional and surprised him. 

Do safe words take some of the edge out play? Yes, but in those (always hopefully passingly rare) cases they are needed, they should be in place. The regret when they are not, the damage that could result is too great.

If you want to return the edge so slightly blunted by a safe word, use them in a constructive way. Have a sub with a bondage fetish but fear of exposure? Perhaps when bound, let the hear the sound of a camera, then show them the pictures you took of the floor or your foot on their phone.  

The importance of safe words being pervasive is not because every single activity we have needs them, but because when the activity does require them, they must be not second nature, but first nature. 

When the safe word is capable of dulling the edge, that is when it is most needed.

Korbell's Tasks 3

Korbell is an unowned sub of my acquaintance. We both knew from the start we are not a D/s match, but we chatted. One day he asked for some tasks to try. These are the tasks and how he felt about them. If you try any on yourself or your boy, post and tell us how it went. If you’re interested in Korbell, get in touch with me I’ll forward on to him. Previously for his anonymity, these were "Evan's Tasks".

Task 3:

Put on a collar.

Pick up your apartment so the floors are clear (pictures maybe -if you want me to gauge before and after)

Mantra: “I will obey my owner when he appears. I work for my owner until he takes me.” Repeat this mantra for 40 minutes while standing facing a corner on your toes.  Hands behind your head.

Put on nose hook harness and anal hook. 

Do the dishes. If you don’t have a lot of dirty ones, re-wash a set so you are spending at least 20 minutes. (pictures before and after to see how many you did). You can go longer, but this is not designed to be a quick task.

Run the Wartenberg wheel up and down the shaft of your hard cock, at least 4 up and 4 down.

Still in the hook and harness, scrub the floor, I am expecting a scrub brush at least, toothbrush if you want a harder job. Do at least the living room, you can add the bath/bedroom if you want more. 

Turn on the Lovense, or if you have a stronger vibrator, use that, but wrap it in a pillow and soft towel. The idea is to have the towelled pillow vibrating. Hump this until you cum. 

Results:

Did that task. I must have been super eager to get to the rest because I completely spaced the mantra even though it was right there in the instructions. I didn't have many dishes so I cleaned the whole kitchen instead. It was pretty intense. I was at least semi hard the whole time and I was leaking puddles of precum. The anal hook is probably my biggest weakness. Something about it just takes me places no other toy can and Omg I didn't realize the wartenberg could be so evil! It felt like I was being taken right to the edge of cumming and then being told I'm not allowed to cum but that I have to stay close except I never got close. I moved on to cleaning the floors with a wet microfiber rag. The living room is wood floors but there's a huge area rug covering the entire space so I did the kitchen and bedroom. I love the feeling of my hard needy heavy useless cock dangling under me. I got so close to cumming again with the vibe and it was more intense than having the vibe inside me if only because of the hook. I got super close to cumming but I couldn't physically keep going long enough to cum. 😭

2 New chapters in my fiction works

Written for a writer's Christmas gift circle New Younger Brother tells how Toby's flaky mom gives him a 'magic ring', he has doubts, but what can trying hurt? Sure enough, Spenser, Toby's hot jock younger step-brother becomes his absolute slave. 

'I Hate My Master' is an ongoing story of a mind controlled slave. Chapter 26 has him continuing his enthrallment after a chance encounter with a co-worker he has screwed over several times. Revenge is sweet when served I Hate My Master Chapter 26

If you enjoy male on male erotic fiction, check out my stories. I love to hear from readers with comments and suggestions. A number of things in my stories come from readers adding new dimensions. 

Why won't that Dom talk to me?

 Looking for a BDSM match is a lot like dating in the vanilla world. You will see Doms you want to serve, send a message and get nothing back or a brief comment. How do you get a Dom to talk to you? 

First, be realistic. If you are looking for in-person, select someone in a reasonable geographic location. Talking about a bondage session when you are an 8 hour flight away is not a great start. Unless you have travel plans to that location. In which, that needs to be your opening “I will be in your city in 2 months, could we look at getting together?” signals there is a possibility of actually meeting. 

Another part of realism is having some kinks in common. This is true of online and in-person. The more you cross over, the higher chance of success. If you are into puppy play and the Dom is a spanker, you will be less successful than with a handler. 

Where there is some discussion around forms of address, be respectful and call the Dom “Sir”, unless you know he has another preference. If he instructs anything else, do as he says. You want this man to dominate you, being submissive shows you in the right mindset and will aid you as well. 

Now we get to the tricky part. Content and length. Let’s tackle length first. Be reasonable. Reading your message will take time, so don’t ask for too much. Also don’t be so brief as not to give a complete picture of what you are saying. This is not easy to gauge, and I won’t pretend it is. Think of it as business correspondence with an overtone of social discussion. If you go on for pages, even looking at that will cause the Dom to pass if he’s faced with a novel. 

Don’t be too short. “I want you to dominate me” says nothing. As a Dom, you’ve given me nothing interesting and no reason to respond. Start out with something in common, a post he made that you like, react to a picture of his work. Go into what you can offer him. Provide what experience you have, if any. If you don’t have any experience to show, make an offer of what you can to show you are serious. 

Showing you are serious does not mean a string of dick-pics. My preference is a nude from at least neck-to-knees, and kneeling. You don’t have to start with a picture, but be prepared with what you are willing to show. Talk about what you would be most interested in exploring, and if you have additional kinks, give them a brief mention. Mention any serious or unexpected limits. You can assume you don’t need to mention you won’t break the law during an initial exchange. 

Finish with a request for action on his part. Something like “Please tell me if you would be interested in using me in these, or some other way.” 

Don’t expect an instant reply. Some Doms are not looking at messages every day. A polite follow up later, only one, as it is possible for a message to be missed, or the Dom meant to reply and didn’t. Some Doms will not respond if they are not interested. They may be busy, have all the subs they want now, or some other reason. Don’t get too invested in a Dom because you like him, work on building him liking you. It takes time to establish a good relationship that will be fulfilling to both of you. 

As you contact Doms, be aware of a few red flags. One is too much communication. This is a  hard thing to gauge, as it is very easy to have quick responses if the Dom works from home or uses a mobile device. However, if the communication seems frantic, be cautious. 

A major flag is the Dom wanting to claim you quickly, not exploring each other. Creating a formal relationship after one day, or a very brief time, shows more that the Dom is hunting for having a list of names, not something meaningful. A Dom/sub or Master/slave relationship is a weighty matter, and not to be entered into lightly. 

Also do not reveal personal information until you are comfortable, if at all. Any Dom worth submitting to will wait for private information. That includes a face pic. Always keep a mind on your security. 

The main point here is give the Dom something to interest him, and enough to respond to. You are starting a conversation with someone that if it all works out will be your Dom for life. Make that first step memorable. 

Korbell's Tasks 2

  Korbell is an unowned sub of my acquaintance. We both knew from the start we are not a D/s match, but we chatted. One day he asked for some tasks to try. These are the tasks and how he felt about them. If you try any on yourself or your boy, post and tell us how it went. If you’re interested in Korbell, get in touch with me I’ll forward on to him. Previously for his anonymity, these were "Evan's Tasks".

Mantra: “I serve my Master before he reveals himself to me. I am his slave already”

Active kowtow: Starting at a kowtow position and coming up with your arms extended - think “We’re not worthy from Wayne’s World”. 

From when you get this to when we do it, I’m presuming you are out of your cage. Bind up your cock and balls in a cord.  Not to hurt, but to have them bound. So no need to be tight. 

Before you start, untie your cock and balls. 

Strip naked. Feel up your body. 

Put on a selection of gear to include a collar. 

Put on your nipple clamps and chain. Add some weights to them - anything will do depending on the strength of the clips. 

You will repeat your mantra for 40 minutes. The first 10 while feeling up your ass. The next 10 gently running your fingers over your balls. For the last 20 do so doing the active kowtow. 

You need to cool off, apply ice to your cock and balls. Go as long as you can, or it all melts. 

Now get hard. Run your fingers lightly up and down your shaft, over your glans. Just very light caresses. This will ‘warm back up’ your cock. Do this 10 minutes. 

Insert the Lovense. Bind your legs together. Leave the tit clamps on.

Connect (Skype)  with me so we can set up the remote portion of the Lovense. 

SAFELY (i.e. so you can release yourself) connect your wrists in cuffs looped through a bedpost or something to keep them secure. At this point, I’ll start sending vibrations through. We’ll see how you react. 

If you cum, play with your cum in your fingers a bit, feeling it in them. You can use both hands. 

Results:

It’s difficult for me to do lines while doing anything else, but I did them. As for the vibe part that was good and I enjoyed it but I think it needs to be combined with another type of stimulation to be effective. I loved the questioning thing. (Dom spent the time on Skype asking intimate questions) I hated it but I loved it. It makes me feel submissive for sure. It kinda makes me think while I'm distracted. I'm also very shy about those kinds of questions so yeah.

I've gone 5 days without cumming this time so I'm extremely sensitive and easy to get excited. 

“Master Max, thank you for giving tasks to this slave boy”

Mistletoe Wish

 There was a Christmas story gift circle of writers, here is the great story Dace did for me: Mistletoe Wish

It's wonderful, give it a read

Korbell's Tasks 1

 Korbell is an unowned sub of my acquaintance. We both knew from the start we are not a D/s match, but we chatted. One day he asked for some tasks to try. These are the tasks and how he felt about them. If you try any on yourself or your boy, post and tell us how it went. If you’re interested in Korbell, get in touch with me I’ll forward on to him. Previously for his anonymity, these were "Evan's Tasks".

Task 1:

Gear up, harness and such, your mouth needs to be free. Using a rope or cord, tie up your cock and balls as tight as you can. I like collars, so I’d prefer if you included one in your gear. A leash is also desirable. Stick a dildo/butt-plug in your ass, better a vibrating toy if you have one.

In a kowtow position repeat 300 times:

“I am a slave. I cum at my Master’s command. My body is his to use. I will train my body and my mind for my Master when he appears. I am his slave before he finds me.” Let it fill your mind and concentrate on the words.

After the 300, perform a blow job on a cock object like a second dildo. Go as long as you can, longer than you want to, and push on getting it further in. Keep in mind you are doing this to please your eventual Master. Think that he is observing you, grading your performance and how much effort you put into pleasing him before he even reveals himself to you and takes you as his property.

Untie your cock and balls.

Get hard by humping a towel or pillow. Take a feather and flick the tip over your cock, the shaft, glans, balls, everything. After a couple of minutes, take a second and do the same so you have two going at the same time. Do this (both feathers) for 10 minutes. Dildo/plug/vibrator is still in.

Now that you’re primed, it’s time to hump a pillow. Hump until you cum. While you are humping, repeat “I am doing this to amuse my Master. I will cum like a bitch so my Master will be entertained.” Dildo/plug/vibrator is still in.

Results of the task:

So I wanted to focus as much as I could on reciting the words and didn't want to count them cause that would be a huge distraction so I said it once and figured out how long it took and multiplied by 300 and got 70m even oddly enough. So I did my prep and got the vibe going in my hole. Got to doing my lines with the timer on. I made it to 30m before I mentally couldn't make myself stay there any more. (I need to work on that) I moved on to the next part. 

With my cock and balls still tied up I got my softest most stimulating object and rubbed it all over my cock and balls for 5m before I lost it and moved on. I untied my cock and balls and wrapped that soft blanket around a pillow and started humping it as best I could. It was insanely intense. The vibe was going and idk how but it was hitting the right spot and then my cock head was rubbing the pillow and it was so intense I got right on the edge and was dry orgasiming for a good 5m and then the vibe fell out and ruined everything. I put it back in and secured it and had to Jo with my hand a bit to get hard enough again and kept humping till I came. I came hard. It was almost paralyzing. I couldn't move more than an inch it was so intense. I loved every minute of it. I wish I could have that intensity every time.

Tried again the next day

Physically It was equally intense. Mentally it was missing something without a few days of chastity. It's such a humiliating way to cum too I wish I had someone I cared about to watch. Someone who knows me and who I respect. Someone who holds me to a standard.

Defeated Jock: Chapter 7

 Taylor has a very somber realization about his relationship with Kam in the newly published chapter of "Defeated Jock" 

Check it out, and my other stories