Keyed Consent

 Consent is very important to me. It is beyond amazing what can be done by a Dom because a sub consents to it. But the fulcrum is consent. Everything pivots and is made possible by it. Clear consent, given without pressure or coercion, makes a vast arena for both to explore. 

Consider a house that has a single door in the front and a number of rooms that can be locked inside. Each of these rooms is something the sub can consent to, and the house is the sub himself. The sub can choose to give the Dom keys to whichever rooms he is willing to consent to. The Dom has the keys and can use the rooms as he wishes. All of this is because the sub has surrendered the keys to him. The sub can get the keys back at any point. Either by saying so in discussion, or calling a safe word. 

What rooms, what the sub consents to, can change over time and should be a partnership discussion. I don’t say that to mean that the Dom can override the sub in this, but that if there are questions or concerns the Dom needs to know so he can adjust as necessary. Withholding consent may be permanent or temporary, depending on need. Discussing with your partner lets your partner understand and know if he can push on the door, or needs to avoid entirely. 

The construction and layout of the house is up to the sub. Each room is locked and some locked rooms can be in other locked rooms. Each key is independent. The sub opens the front door to explore with the Dom. When this happens, the Dom has free reign to every door he can open. As often and as intensely as that room permits. The sub has surrendered the management of those rooms to the Dom until such time as the sub takes the keys away.

“Pushing on the door” is a good way to describe how to test limits. A Dom should never violate the limits, but can go up to them and push. That gives the sub the security that the limits remain in place, and gives the sub an opportunity to contemplate giving the Dom a key to that room to explore. The door is not unlocked, it does not open, until the sub gives the Dom the key. 

A sub may not want to be in the room the Dom has decided to explore. However, bound to the Dom, the sub goes where the Dom wishes. With the keys comes dominion. So long as the Dom has the keys, he is in charge and makes the decisions. Like giving keys to a renter, the renter has the rights there, until there is an eviction. What the sub evaluates is does he want to take back the key to the room or to everything. So long as the sub leaves the keys with the Dom, the sub obeys. And the Dom is within his rights to use those rooms as he choses. 

Doms do have to look at how he is using the room. This is part of being a Dom, or a good renter. Use that room for its purpose, but watch out for wear and tear. How does the sub react? What are you doing and will that cause the sub to need to take back the key? Yes, it’s yours for now. But like someone destroying a rental property, will that get you evicted. A good Dom does not just use, but uses so he can continue to use.  

The main key is the key to the front door, the only way into everything. Opening up this door gives the Dom rights to the rooms he has keys to. The front door has a key the sub cannot ever completely surrender. It’s molded to his hand, or the lock is biometric. However you want to visualize it. The sub may never (and I argue should never) feel he has no right to lock that door to the Dom, no matter how long submission lasts, it is always possible the sub can lock the front door. If the front door is locked, no matter how many interior keys the Dom may have, he can use none of them because he cannot get to those doors. 

Consent is the key is a common phrase. It is key, it is how we do what we do. Each of those keys is precious, for the sub to surrender, for the Dom to engage.