When it comes to collaring a sub, we have heard about consideration collars, promise collars, commitment collars. All of these represent some level of engagement with a dynamic. Some Doms will have a sub move from one type to another working up to a permanent collar. There are also what I call “signal collars”, which are put on by a sub with an open lock to advertise his desire to find a Dom.
I want to talk about two specific types of collar. The first is a scene/session collar. I like collars. I like subs in collars, and I will put one on him if it’s our first session. This does not indicate anything but I want one on the sub. If he’s a pup, it’s almost required. There is no special significance to a session collar. It does not indicate I claim him or that he submits to me for more than the session we engage in. It’s not supposed to. It’s part of the session just like bondage or a flogger would be. It’s a tool. At the end it comes off like anything else I’ve put on to have fun with.
A sub should not take that as establishing a dynamic, and the Dom should not either. It’s designed for play, it is play. Attributing more to it is a mistake.
The next is some level of “commitment” collar. In this case commitment does not mean one has been established, but that it is more extensive than a scene/session. The first one I want to discuss is the “looking for” collar. This is a collar with an open lock. Such a collar is used to indicate a sub is actively looking for a Dom and is approachable. It is not an open invitation to use or talk to the sub as if he were already yours. The open lock is a signal, one of availability. Compatibility is another matter.
If the lock is closed, it most likely means the sub is taken at some level. The sub may close the lock because they want to indicate they are submissive, but not open to searching, but that is fairly rare. A closed lock most frequency indicates the sub has an ongoing relationship with a Dom. The level of that relationship is up to the members. If you see a closed lock, there is no reason you cannot talk to the sub, but do not expect it to go beyond talking. If the sub is open to that, he will have to indicate in another way that he is available. I never presume that a sub can play outside his dynamic unless he says so.
Collars can help draw a Dom and sub together, to show they are in a dynamic. It is a mistake to presume they are in a full on TPE 24/7. It could be the two are early in a deep commitment and are making sure things will sustain. It could be a timed collar, where they have agreed to a given dynamic for a period. It’s really up to them to decide how to do it.
Collaring is very important to the Leather and BDSM communities. The term “collaring” can even mean a virtual collar, where the relationship exists, but the physical collar is not present. Just as some married couples do not have or wear rings, some have the commitment, not the physical item.
Where there are some general rules, collaring is up to the people involved in it. General practice is most solid around the term “collaring” for the establishment of a dynamic, and the open or closed lock to announce availability.
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