Looking for a BDSM match is a lot like dating in the vanilla world. You will see Doms you want to serve, send a message and get nothing back or a brief comment. How do you get a Dom to talk to you?
First, be realistic. If you are looking for in-person, select someone in a reasonable geographic location. Talking about a bondage session when you are an 8 hour flight away is not a great start. Unless you have travel plans to that location. In which, that needs to be your opening “I will be in your city in 2 months, could we look at getting together?” signals there is a possibility of actually meeting.
Another part of realism is having some kinks in common. This is true of online and in-person. The more you cross over, the higher chance of success. If you are into puppy play and the Dom is a spanker, you will be less successful than with a handler.
Where there is some discussion around forms of address, be respectful and call the Dom “Sir”, unless you know he has another preference. If he instructs anything else, do as he says. You want this man to dominate you, being submissive shows you in the right mindset and will aid you as well.
Now we get to the tricky part. Content and length. Let’s tackle length first. Be reasonable. Reading your message will take time, so don’t ask for too much. Also don’t be so brief as not to give a complete picture of what you are saying. This is not easy to gauge, and I won’t pretend it is. Think of it as business correspondence with an overtone of social discussion. If you go on for pages, even looking at that will cause the Dom to pass if he’s faced with a novel.
Don’t be too short. “I want you to dominate me” says nothing. As a Dom, you’ve given me nothing interesting and no reason to respond. Start out with something in common, a post he made that you like, react to a picture of his work. Go into what you can offer him. Provide what experience you have, if any. If you don’t have any experience to show, make an offer of what you can to show you are serious.
Showing you are serious does not mean a string of dick-pics. My preference is a nude from at least neck-to-knees, and kneeling. You don’t have to start with a picture, but be prepared with what you are willing to show. Talk about what you would be most interested in exploring, and if you have additional kinks, give them a brief mention. Mention any serious or unexpected limits. You can assume you don’t need to mention you won’t break the law during an initial exchange.
Finish with a request for action on his part. Something like “Please tell me if you would be interested in using me in these, or some other way.”
Don’t expect an instant reply. Some Doms are not looking at messages every day. A polite follow up later, only one, as it is possible for a message to be missed, or the Dom meant to reply and didn’t. Some Doms will not respond if they are not interested. They may be busy, have all the subs they want now, or some other reason. Don’t get too invested in a Dom because you like him, work on building him liking you. It takes time to establish a good relationship that will be fulfilling to both of you.
As you contact Doms, be aware of a few red flags. One is too much communication. This is a hard thing to gauge, as it is very easy to have quick responses if the Dom works from home or uses a mobile device. However, if the communication seems frantic, be cautious.
A major flag is the Dom wanting to claim you quickly, not exploring each other. Creating a formal relationship after one day, or a very brief time, shows more that the Dom is hunting for having a list of names, not something meaningful. A Dom/sub or Master/slave relationship is a weighty matter, and not to be entered into lightly.
Also do not reveal personal information until you are comfortable, if at all. Any Dom worth submitting to will wait for private information. That includes a face pic. Always keep a mind on your security.
The main point here is give the Dom something to interest him, and enough to respond to. You are starting a conversation with someone that if it all works out will be your Dom for life. Make that first step memorable.
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