The Dom is the Key

 There are so many kinks to explore, it’s truly amazing. One thing can make or break any kink, especially one you are just exploring: the Dom. A Dom who knows his way around the kink and can introduce the sub to it rationally is so important. For bondage or pain, this means the sub is taken care of and not in any danger. 

Let’s look at a kink that can go well, or horribly based on how the Dom manages the sub: financial domination. If done properly, the sub gives up extra funds, money that would have gone to coffees, entertainment, but not money for bills. The sub can still put aside for savings at a sensible rate. What the sub is out is stuff he does not need. Add in budgeting advice, and the sub has a great set of new lessons to learn. 

The Dom also benefits, as he gets “free money” to use as he sees fit, and has the submission he deserves. 

If FinDom is new for the sub, this ethical FinDom makes is something the sub can continue to enjoy for years to come. It’s a positive, growing experience. If the Dom causes serious financial hardship, other hardships will result, pushing the sub from that experience and possibly more. 

Not every kink will match every sub. That’s a given. You would be hard pressed to find a sub into everything. Introducing the sub properly, so the initial experiences are positive will make it better for everyone. 

The same is true with any other kink: pain, bondage, ABDL, and so on. Many subs are willing to try a kink they have little or no interest in for their Doms, and how we as Doms guide them there will help develop their interest. The early stages need to be much more about enticing the sub and providing him a sense of safety so he will come back. A sub that embraces a kink is better than one that merely tolerates it under orders. 

A Dom may have the skills when exploration starts, or may need to learn them. If the Dom needs to learn, tell the sub. A sub will presume the Dom knows what he’s doing as part of his mindset. Warning that the Dom is learning means the sub will be alert to problems. It will also increase the trust the sub has for the Dom, since the Dom is being open and honest. 

This is one area a sub can take the lead. If the sub is familiar with a kink the Dom is not, the sub can be an invaluable teacher, able to relay what is happening, to provide reactions good and bad. Good partners can explore together.