In relationships, something attracts the partners. In Dom/sub, a component is the type of service a sub provides. Another component is how and what service the Dom wants. A Dom wants his feet licked, a sub likes to lick feet, there is a match. At least on the what. Another part of this is the how. Do the Dom and sub match in style? Some Doms are very demanding, giving rough orders and the sub revel in that. Others are more Daddy like and express a desire for the sub to fill.
Some subs get turned on by a text “Get over here and service my feet NOW”. Others get turned on by “I had a long day at work boy. Could sure use your tongue between my toes.” Subs are to serve, does it really matter? It does. Subs serve by choice at the start of it all. Just like in any relationship, they may be attracted to physical appearance or aura, but that is only the start. Like waking up from a one night stand (or finishing a scene) both sides have to show if they can continue to be together. It will take a bit, how does the other respond to harsh commands or take reluctance?
Subs come in ranges from full obedience to brat, a Dom can decide if he wants to deal with whatever level of resistance to orders the sub has. But the sub also has to decide if he can take how the orders are delivered. For a sub needing affirmation and support, a cruel Dom who issues rough commands will not work. The sub will lose his desire to serve. For a sub needing strict commands, the opposite is true.
Some of this can be handled in the negotiations at the start, as initial contact has established mutual interest. How things progress will tell each one if the other actually does as indicated. Subs will obey orders because they are orders for a period of time to see how it feels with a Dom. If the sub does not get the fulfillment they need, they will move on. It’s different for a sub than how a Dom feels, even different from pure sexual release. If it’s feeling good for providing service, or humiliation at what he has been made to do, whatever drives that sub needs to be in place for him to continue.
So what if the Dom does not provide the style of command that drives the sub? The sub may continue so he has orders, but will always be looking for a Dom that gives him a “service-boner”, one that he obeys not just the order, but the man.
Having a style that motivates the sub brings better service. The more the Dom and sub are aligned, the better. So what if the style of the Dom does not match what the sub craves? Is it the subs fault? I don’t think so. Such motivation is hard to train into a sub, if that is at all possible. It’s not like a preference for a food or activity, it’s an inborn drive to serve, and how that service is brought out. The sub is not in control of this, and if a Dom cannot give the sub that, it is the Dom that needs to change if he wants to keep that sub. Subs will often do their best to accommodate the style of a Dom they serve, but if the gap is too wide, the Dom is the one that needs to change. Change is in the hands of the Dom, and where he can train the sub in new things, if the Dom’s style of motivation is not doing it, the Dom is the one to change.
So what if the Dom cannot attract or retain subs? Yes, in some regards it is the sub who is at fault. Some subs are flaky; start to serve and ghost, or do not live up to their commitments. But that is only a percentage (don’t ask me what that percentage is, I have no idea). There are real subs out there, and they search until they find a Dom. If a Dom is not able to attract and retain subs, it is up to the Dom to determine what he should do differently if he is unsatisfied with things. A sub really should not submit to a Dom because he pities the Dom not being able to find a sub. Like the commands he issues, how a Dom leads is under the dominion of the Dom.
Some subs will give feedback. I find that very valuable. It may be feedback for that particular sub, or it can be feedback for submissives as a whole. A Dom can choose if he listens to what feedback is offered, and chooses to act on it or not. But this is something not all subs can do, and many Doms do not want to listen. That is on the Dom.
No comments:
Post a Comment